Possibility instead of comfort (growing up) [ENG]

 I haven’t been OK for a really long time. 

I took all the pills. I was telling my story again and again. But something inside me was lost. I couldn't breathe.

Fuertaventura, 2021

The trauma. The disappointments. The lies. Goodbyes. All the situations that are far from fair. 

People that fucked up. People that I trusted. People that I used to love. People that are gone.

Fuertaventura, 2021

And all the fucking mess in my head and in my heart. My body is still far from OK after the accident. My face hurts. My scars are still here. The body and the mind have experienced trauma I can’t even describe.

 I suffered enough.

And I don t expect it will be only easy from now on.

But who says growing up is easy? Growing up and being real means to try, to make mistakes, to grief, to recover and to say goodbye to everything that is toxic. 

And everyone who make me feel like I am not enough.

Or worse.

Growing up means to cry a lot but also laugh as loud as possible. 

And sometimes to choose the possibility instead of comfort. 

To travel by myself, to travel far and to get lost because I believe I will be found one day. 

I believe that my heart and my insight will tell me what to do and where to go, because when I listen to them - I always find peace somehow.

Growing up means to be present in this life. To choose the reality instead of the easiest. And I feel, I really feel I am growing. I will be fine and I will survive. I feel so grateful to be on the road again, to meet people, have great conversations, to learn about the world, to visit all the amazing places...To be alive. After all the shit that hapened to me lately I really need to feel like me again.

I am imperfect, I am in progress, just human being full of mistakes but also closer to the woman I want to become. Closer to me, closer to home. I don't feel like a girl anymore. I am a young woman and I will find my way. Always learning and never really gonna stop.

 I will never know everything and that is the most important thing I have ever learned.